Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
