Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
