On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Randomize
