Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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