You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
