We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
