just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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