Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize