I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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