What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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