Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
