Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
