Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize