Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
