she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
This house was built for laser tag.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
