I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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