what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
