Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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