but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
