The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
His wife found the thong I âforgotâ in his glovebox
Randomize
