she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
