This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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