U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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