I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
