i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
