I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize