Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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