i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
