I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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