my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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