im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
