we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
