Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
