I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
