Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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