Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
