So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
