bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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