im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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