wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
