pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize