I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
