Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
