Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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