girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
