I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I could make wine with my vomit
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
