My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
this just has baby written all over it
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
