He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
