I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
