If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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