Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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