who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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