Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
