I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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