She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize