Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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