i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize
