one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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