I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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