Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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