The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
