i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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