I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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