Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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