Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize