she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
